The first time I noticed it, we were passing a playground near our house when Joshua stopped walking.
“Look at them,” he said, watching the kids climb and shout. “Remember when we thought that’d be us?”
“Yeah,” I said.
He kept staring. “Does it still bother you?”
“Remember when we thought that’d be us?”
I looked at him then. There was something hungry in his face I hadn’t seen in years.
A few days later, he slid his phone and an adoption brochure across the breakfast table.
“Our house feels empty, Hanna,” he said. “I can’t pretend it doesn’t. We could do this. We could still have a family.”
“Josh, we made peace with it.”
“Maybe you did.” He leaned forward. “Please, Han. Just try one more time with me.”
“And my job?”
“It’ll help if you’re home,” he said quickly. “We’ll have a better chance.”
He’d never begged before. That should have warned me.
“Please, Han. Just try one more time with me.”
***
A week later, I handed in my notice. The day I came home, Joshua hugged me so tightly I thought he’d never let go.
We spent nights on the couch, filling out forms and prepping for home studies. Joshua was relentless and laser-focused.
One night, Joshua found their profile.
“Four-year-old twins, Matthew and William. Don’t they look like they belong here?”
“They look scared,” I said.
He squeezed my hand. “Maybe we could be enough for them.”
“I want to try.”
He emailed the agency that night.
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